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Sideways

2/18/2018

12 Comments

 
Picture
​Ashton, Wisconsin
Chiree, chiree, chiree a killdeer’s warning pierces the crisp morning air. With a hop and scuttle she moves sideways from our approach. We step onto mottled, ashen-yellow, and grey pavement, the color of her body. She drags an extended wing behind her.

“Look,” I whisper to my friend Wayne. “Is she injured?”
 
“No, she’s okay. She’s pretending to be hurt. Her nest is nearby. Let’s take a look.”
 
We walk to the nest while the killdeer continues her charade. Unprotected on the pavement, the nest includes several blades of withered, sun-bleached grass with a few pebbles and cracked eggshells to keep the baby birds together. 
 
Wayne turns to me. “She wants to distract us from her nest.  Let’s oblige.”
 
Albuquerque, New Mexico
He limps through the narrow isle of the dining car favoring his left leg. The train sways to the right and delivers him sideways into the cracked, red vinyl seat across from me.
 
“How you doing?” I greet my tablemate.
 
“Not well. I’m going to Kansas to bury my mother.”
 
“Oh, I’m sorry for your loss…”
 
“Thank you. My problem was finding someone to care for my cats while I’m away.”
 
“Was her death unexpected?”
 
He runs his fingers through thin grey hair. “Mom lived alone since the divorce. I moved to Arizona years ago. Just last week I had to take them to the vet. They’re much better now. It’s a big job to care for cats when you live alone.”
 
“Did you see your mother often?”
           
“I used to drive sixteen hours to Kansas without a rest until I sideswiped a guardrail. Now I take the train. My brother is looking in on the cats while I’m gone.”
 
“Will your family be at the funeral?”
 
He leans back. “Mom didn’t want any special arrangements. She didn’t like to fuss. Raindrop is the oldest, then Fluffy, Tiger, and Felix. I miss them already. It’s hard to be away from them when you live alone.”

If this essay is meaningful, please like or tweet below or leave a comment. Thank you for your interest and possible action you may take.
 
Richard Wilberg, MS, PLCC, ACC 
Coach for Personal Fulfillment and Career Success

12 Comments
Mary Hall link
2/18/2018 12:42:07 pm

I have been thinking about your essays as "puzzles". Here is my solution: The bird pretending to be hurt to protect her babies, your table mate pretending to protect his babies (kitties) to distract from the pain of his mother's death.

Reply
Richard
2/18/2018 05:29:40 pm

Mary,
Very astute! Thank you for your observation. The killdeer was exhibiting anti-predator behavior which may take many forms, including simulating an injury to appear vulnerable and distract the predator (me) away from the nest. The man on the train changed the conversation each time his mother was mentioned to distract us from a painful story he did not want to discuss. Thank you for your comment!

Reply
Steve Sturm
2/22/2018 02:41:58 pm

As always, great perspective Richard! You always challenge us to see things differently. Thank you for awakening our minds to new insights and ways of thinking.

Reply
Richard
2/22/2018 04:05:08 pm

Steve,
Thank you. Your self-awareness opens you to new perspectives. Keep doing your good work!

Reply
Francie Corry
2/23/2018 12:37:59 pm

What I felt reading this was a sense of compassion. Both the killdeer and the man who lost his mother are acting under their natural instincts. The bird uses its ‘injury’ as a defense mechanism, just as the man uses distraction as a defense mechanism to protect himself from his vulnerability. The story of the bird first shows me how similar we are to nature. We are part of nature, not separate from it at all, really. Just in our own minds. It gives me compassion for this man to view him without judgment, just doing what nature does.

Reply
Richard
2/23/2018 06:43:54 pm

Francie,
Thank you for your thoughtful comment. Yes, there are many messages for us in the natural world if we take the time to pause, as you have, and open ourselves to the lessons that surround us.

Reply
Linda Brathwaite
2/24/2018 06:07:05 am

Richard,
A lot is being said in both stories without being said. Previous comments have highlighted the story of distracting the pain. As I read it it reminded me of our daily lives and interactions with others whether it’s people we know or the media where some stories are distractions to the real issues that needs to be addressed. It happens to individuals such as children. I read an outcry on Facebook for people to talk to their children because they act out because of no communication with parents. Avoidance/ distraction of the real pain.To me this blog opens us to look at all the distractions in our life and encourages us to face the real issues that cause us to react. If dealt with could lead to personal growth and development.

Reply
Richard Wilberg
2/26/2018 10:27:54 am

Wow, Linda,
So well said and unsaid, as you point out. How do we self-deceive ourselves and ignore what is right in front of us? How do we recognize our self-deception (avoidance) as you point out? Thank you for your reflection!

Reply
Diane Smith
2/24/2018 08:03:31 am

Richard,
Sideways evokes compassion using intimate sharing of the universal conditions of life. oh my!

Reply
Richard
2/26/2018 10:30:41 am

Diane,
Thank you for your reflection. We are all the same as we face the universal conditions of life. Thanks for that reminder.

Reply
Jody
3/13/2018 06:26:21 am

Poignant stories. For me, in each the true need of the bird/person goes unaddressed. Has the bird's nest fallen to a state of being unprotected? Did she put it there? As a reader I am distracted by her concern - which is protecting that nest. It is the often state of helplessness I feel when nature has a problem I wish I could solve. I identify with these two friends solution of leaving her to it. And for me, a professional counselor for the grieving, I would say the man's focus on his cats is not denial of his grief for his mother, but his main concern and it would be worth letting him discuss it. It would help him to ease his anxiety - whether for them or his upcoming experience at his mother's.

Reply
Richard
3/13/2018 08:24:41 am

Jody, Indeed, the man on the train was trying to tell his story, the real story of his pain, but for the pain and time available, he could not get to the issue. With time and empathy the man might heal, even with the distractions which surround us. Thank you for your important perspective!

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    I write personal essays, creative non-fiction, flash fiction, and self-development articles from my home in  Madison, Wisconsin.

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